My Small World

God doesn't hear, so I kept telling to human beings, but human beings left me deserted... My friends often blame me, either for being optimistic or pessimistic ... but there lies an idea of being realisitic. Optimism infuses faith and confidence in people, but slight unsuccess often leads to catastrophe. Pessimistic approach always lacks creativity and has lot of resistance to vision. To keep, balance I often turn towards being realistic. I never made much observations, it is time that has tought me, to not expect much from human beings,-- they may be your friends, family or whoever. It also has tought me to stop thinking about yourself, about your own existence and sometimes about your own happiness. ... These all thoughts have somewhere a linkage with a game called " creativity". For me the status of accepting the situation (" niyati "), is the most courageous act.

I could not complete the sequence I have started in my last post. In fact this will be my first post in 2007. I will again keep writing about myself, my naive thoughts and the world I am involved in. It will be hard to continue writing from the point, where I have stopped in my last mail, but the jest is that after submerging my self in complete chaos, I reconfirmed my thought that platonic attitude towards life is though very dry, but it has great protective sense. We all know what life is composed of, what can be the possible forthcoming scenarios, ofcourse, there are lot of strange situations that can possibly evolve, but then still there are always some chance to do usual calculations. The twisting factor is that, though we observe things, neverthless we are element, we are pawn of the whole scenario. Experiments become tricky when we become part of it!

In many ways 1 st January was true representative of the activities I was involved in through out this year. I wake up perhaps by 7A.M. in morning, gave a glimpse to my laptop (I promised on 31 st December to my mother that I will not do any computer stuff on 1 st January), and looked the fog outside … I will not say that I have been lazy while waking up, but perhaps the situation in home was not of much celebration as I have to leave home on 2 nd January, and thus I was a bit passive in response. “Why don’t you talk once with Manish?” – My mother started querying about my friend Manish (we are friends from class 2) who has to return back to Bangalore , also. “Well, Ma! He has already told that he will go one week later on … there is almost no point to talk with him on this issue”… Ma, like all mothers think their sons/daughters as children … and takes no cognizance of the fact that me, my friends are no longer class eighth folks … It is another matter that ...

2006 have been a very important year for me. I will like to compile, illustrate the experiences I have gained this year. I will like to talk about my friends, my family, my life, of course my technical works and above all where I am heading towards (as it appears now). This may often seem boring, inconsequential to the reader of my blog, but then there may be some one to catch the points. Yeah, this time I will like to write with full freedom from myself, :).

Industry teaches discipline, which I think is a trick to get its work done :). I have been doing job for almost 11 months and the bottomline is that I have lost my freedom, the fun that I used to have when I was completely free !!! I am not kinda person who flock with lot of friends; my fun, my freedom means walking, travelling from one place to another, talking with unkown faces and spending time for almost no purpose. In fact I am more creative in those situations ... but alas where is vacation, where is leave ... Whether I will ever get those days, whether I will get out of the Industrial black hole, keeps me worried ... I always played hard with those equations ... where I used to get solution for a system under different constraints ... I am finding that I have become one of those systems ... completely trapped in something I never wanted for myself ...

As told by Mr Bhagwant of BBC on a different public discussion group Asha was on a UK concert tour and had scheduled in 2 dates for Wembley Conference Centre and Birmingham. The promoter had apparently booked a "last minute" additional concert in London the following weekend. I was a little sceptical about this last minute thing as Wembley is not an easy venue to hire and you really have to book it well in advance. I suspect it was called "'last minute" so as perhaps not to disappoint Asha too much if few people turned up. As it was, the last of the shows did not have as many people in the audience as her first 2 shows, but it WAS the best show. I say this because having seen her first show, which I reported on RMIM, in comparison, she was far more relaxed, at ease, had more stamina, was less irritable and frankly wanted to carry on singing. I think she found her second breath and actually enjoyed the experience; whereas, initially in her first show she was tir...

Life is like a river flow. Some times some leaf gets stuck somewhere and could not flow for a long time. Even strong flow of river could not change the destiny of small leaf. Often stories end without any statement … I am not interested in the end, or in the story, or in the leaf, I am more interested in the metaphor of transition that led change of course. I am not interested in the sufferings or sufferer; rather I am interested in the noun “suffer”. The world is mechanical. Many people say that we can’t buy everything with money, I also assert the same, but then a dichotomy lies within my mind. To get something which is outside domain of money, is it necessary to believe in destiny or you should play your cards tacitly (even you keep yourself ignorant about the fact that you are not playing your cards). Is it necessary to kill many germinating corpuscles for achievements or is it necessary to work honestly and hope for your chance? The words, destiny or hope are so illusionary that t...